NON DREAM LIVING

She was an angel in the skin of a beast that always dreamed of finding another angel. Therefore she was confused, in her madness of solitude, and she thought the demons it was angels. But them, instead, was going
butchering her. In her confusion she believed to live a reality that was nothing more than an no-dream, from which she always woke up with horror. When she thought she had found love, she baptized her partner with the name of “Angel,” but the word does not make man, however much she would call him “angel,” she lacked the power to make him such. For this reason the awakening was against an opaque and dark body, a cursed of spectre, who pushed her towards the bed and abused her soul. Not with a lighted creature, like she imagined.

An image
came to her mind, it was Angel’s skinhead, peeped into the window and there it
was. He was accompanied by another woman, called the doorbell of the building
opposite, and opened a huge door for which they should go up. Where were they
going? Probably to the room that gave to its only window, that of the higher
building, which covered the sunlight.

The
interior of that place, one could guess through the sequels that the
experiences of its tenants, they let see through the holes of its huge windows.
Sofi could only see the vague images, which escaped by those dirty, but
sumptuous crystals. The building was of modernist style.

A props of
leather was insinuated in a corner, although it was his imagination, which
orchestrated and recomposeded the whole scene. She could hardly see anything
clearly. She felt the power of Angel’s gaze, through the opaque velvet
curtains, as if she were observing her with X-ray vision. But was it a dream?

In the
mornings she used to feel agitated to wake up, as if she has been awake all
night, busy, active. She felt terribly tired, sleepy, as if she had not slept. The
only way to get rid of it was to share her bed with a sexually active partner.
Which gave her an extra plus of fatigue, but this time gratifying.

It was the
perfect therapy to be able to leave the vomiting of his subconscious cornered.
The carnal ecstasy was for her a direct passage. It allowed her to leave her
mind blank and reach Nirvana, through toll-roads. What was the price of that
toll? Her youth, which was consumed, as she went into exotic paths, which did
not lead her anywhere.

It was the
useless pursuit of the ideal lover. A fight between female dogs in zeal, for
the handsome boy. By the alpha male. But the thing didn’t usually end in marriage,
but in disputes. At least, unless the princess’s parents were millionaires. For
the rest of the mob, reality was not like fairy tales. The “Principal-dick
” or rather the ” Dick-prince”, did not used to make up with a
single princess. For what?, having so much where to choose, and all those nice
girl, splitting the ass to catch him.

These men,
arrogant and overestimated, ended up giving in to the extreme youth, the dollar
or the arts of the most obsessive and obstinate women. Predatory spiders, who
were struggling to death for them, and once they were tied up, were slowly
sucking them out. They snatched their lives, without them noticing, inoculating
them the sweet poison of lying.

But to be
“alpha”, it was not necessary for them to be especially gifted. They knew
how do it well. They make the world believe, that they were exceptional. Some
of them, the most unfortunate, used to be left to their fate after having
reproduced, once consumed, without illusion or self-esteem: fattened, bald or
aged.

It was then
that the Spider, if her still retained its power, she will put her eye on
another prey. Her victims, her men: would pay religiously every month for their
child support, and to have to settle for the affection of the offspring, who
would see them with luck, in assigned schedules and days. In this way the bliss
of the Alpha was transformed into its own curse, unless it were a true
scoundrel.

The lack of
empathy was the key. In such high degrees, that with the evolution of the last
century, they came to be close to the psychopathy. Even if on a physical level,
the alpha was nothing of the other world. If his gaze was secure and haughty,
his dependence not existent, his gaze bewitching, or his voice thunderous, it
was enough to have at his fingertips all the women he wanted. This one used to
envelop himself an aura of mystery.

Most
extreme cases, it ended up into BDSM. In short: only the men who killed their
affections and empathies survived, unable to see reality, alienated by their
ego, and to some extent, been converted to the prevailing emotional sadism. It
was a ruthless and predatory universe, in which: Or you devourate or you are
devoured.

Sofí did not belived the
fake tale, and although her life it was sometimes pushed towards the precipices
of that context. She was always battered, like a Quixote who was fighting
against giants who was mills.

Sofi was a piece of the
puzzle that refused to fit in, to the cost of her own conviction. His idea of
love, it was far from that universe of beasts. It was as if suddenly someone
had introduced her into a viper’s nest, and she had to adapt to his rules to
survive. Or as if she has been born incarnate like a snake without knowing it.

Snake, Spider, what’s the
difference? The fact is that sometimes she felt as if itinhabited the skin of a
beast without wanting to inhabit it, surrounded by beasts, with an evolved
spiritual remnant. With a great heart that led her to want to forgive,
sacrifice, understand, love. But at every attempt suffered a bite or sting.
After the aggression, she would awaken his animal instincts, rage, instinct to
attack. And that is where reality became sotangled: she was not beast nor
Angel. She ceased to recognize herself and to love herself:

She
becamed furious against the mirrors, self-harm and lost his identity
completely. It was the reason she always ran away from the others. To be able
to listen to herself, to be herself, to maintain her balance. To remember or
rediscover who really she was.

Life as a couple was not a help, not at least in that
context, it was just a freeway to despair.

And yet in time, the competition of the growing number
of women, and the small number of men, was such that Sofi had to decrease her
exigence in a dramatic way, to end up with guys who looked rather retarded mentally. 

And the worst of it was
that she deceived herself, to such an extent, that he imagined eccentricities
in attitudes, which were not the result of rebellion, but of pure stupidity.
Coming to fall in love momentarily of authentic sillies with airs of grandeur.
To top it off, they treated her, worse than some used espadrilles. It was
madness, as if she had suddenly descended from the altar all the floral
offerings and had been thrown to the pigs as food, once trampled.

She was
an angel in the skin of a beast that always dreamed of finding another angel.
Therefore she was confused, in her madness of solitude, and she thought the
demons it was angels. But them, instead, was going

butchering her. In her confusion she believed to live
a reality that was nothing more than an no-dream, from which she always woke up
with horror. When she thought she had found love, she baptized her partner with
the name of “Angel,” but the word does not make man, however much she
would call him “angel,” she lacked the power to make him such. For
this reason the awakening was against an opaque and dark body, a cursed of
spectre, who pushed her towards the bed and abused her soul. Not with a lighted
creature, like she imagined.

Fatally she had returned to fall in love, had
rechristened him as an angel. This one had bright eyes like stars, able to
catch the most elusive of the looks. It was not essentially high, nor of sturdy
build, but it was hard and fibered. He had a kind of aversion to hair, saying
that he remembered his primitive animal origin. He shaved his head and all the
body, which gave him an air that made him less atractive as first impression.
It was once, after falling into their nets, when she began to fall on his jaw,
he inoculate the sweet poison of seduction. He pretend entlessly his divine
side, and focused on his spiritual part. The animal’s hair was torn off, and in
the ritual, it was reborn in the form of demigod. But so much contempt for
animals, he did nothing but betray and hide his contempt for emotional
dependence and affection as well.

He had tattooed strange symbols on his arms, legs and chest, which he used as a pretext to shave. “You don’t want me to let the hair ruin these costly works of art.” 
He also had pierced ears, nose, penis and navel. He was stillunable to get Sofi to imitate him, and he renegade like agrumpy Smurf, every time he accessed his densely populated pubic garden. He said: “Try it, you’ll see that past, we’ll enjoy as never.” For the rest, his soul was rewise, likethat of a ripe fellow, but his appearance was youthful. He must have been in years, but he didn’t seem to be at all.Cranial shaving contributed, disguised as possible baldness, gray hair and other signs of age. 

Sofi, she thought of him, when the old song of “A Shady Angel”of Chucho was played on the radio. 

Someone ringed the bell,
it was angel, he brought a pet with him. There would have been no reason for
Sofi to react so badly to that animal, except that it was totally hairless as
the owner. It was a Python snake, which was not too big, but it moved like no
one.

“It’s like my
cock,” said Angel, who played with it.

 -Come caress her, do not be a little girl, i
am sure you both it become friends. It is so soft, with the thumb and the index
arched, up and down, like you was making me a straw

 -Each day, you are more obscene, why not try to
be the same as when I met you.

-For what, if that’s good
for us, don’t you think, doll.

-Why did you bring that
bug?

-To live with us, in our
nest of love, it will be like our daughter, I noticed you distant these days
and I thought that Serena, the snake, could make you some company. If you give
it a live rat in the long run, you don’t even know it’s it between us. No piss,
no shit, no hair. It’s a very clean animal, it’s never clear where it does it.
The only thing you can stumble into is one of their skins, but that happens only
from time to time.

-What if I wake up one
day and find that I have it curled up in bed?

-Well I only ask you not
to confuse with my penis, Jajajaj

-Don’t be a beast, you
can look what you do with that poor animal, but I want it to disappear from
here tomorrow without fail.

-You start being as my
“ex”, when we leave women alone, they became the owners of the house.
It is as if one could not live his life without the women put their noses.

-You know I’m in favor of
everyone having their space, almost as much as you, but I can’t stand the idea
of living with a snake like this, it’s a dangerous animal.

-Yes, but remember who is
paying the bills lately.

-Sometimes I think you’re
not as different as I thought…

-Different from what, my
dear.

-I do not know I have
come to mind my father’s figure, he used to hold power, chose television
programs, decided what we had to eat, and enjoyed full and complete authority.
My mother consented it with the excuse that he spent a lotof time out and
sacrificed for all of us. Although she actually sacrificed as much as he did
and hated her role as a housewife.

“And what are you
trying to imply?”

-Nothing, I just
remembered my family. Then she began to cry. His parents had been masters of
love and affection. Despite coming from a brownish lineage and having followed
life manuals and beliefs adulterated by a slave system. They had been shigning
with terrible affection. They wholly delivered to her childhood. Sacrificing
themselves, to keep their family roots firm and to protect their ancestors and
descendants. There were no castles, no fortunes, no kingdoms. His legacy was
not material, but spiritual. It was based on giving children a good education,
taking their care in such a devout way, that the role of “parenting” turned
in love fundamentalism.

His childhood had passed
in a grey building in a working-class neighborhood of Argentina. His father,
although he had the philosophy chair, could never get a job according to his
training, or go over from a miserable salary.

Sofí felt, not only the
loss of his loved ones and the distance, but also the longing of the affection
and closeness of her family. What was most repelent of him was that he was not
only incapable of showing affection, but also, sometimes, he was cynical about
her for no reason whatsoever. Maybe it was because he was jealous, but of what?
or whose? Sofí had long since stopped looking at other men. He instead seemed
as if he were eternally angry with her, and his conduct seemed to obey the low
self-esteem.

-What is that paper you
hold in your hand?

-It is a text, I wrote it
this morning, now in a while I will read it to you…